Hi,

I've received this from my colleague and found it funny.
==============================================================

>> > December 1st
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> >
>> > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
>> > Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's
>> > Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked
>>eggnog
>> > and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel
>>
>> > free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our
>> > CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the
>> > Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees
>>can
>> > be done at that time; however, no gift should be
>>over
>> > $10.
>> > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>> > Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> >
>> >
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> > December 2nd
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
>> > our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is
>>an
>> > important holiday that often coincides with
>>Christmas
>> > (though unfortunately not this year). However, from
>> > now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
>>same
>> > policy applies to employees who are celebrating
>> > Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas
>>tree
>> > and no Christmas carols sung.
>> > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>> > Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> >
>> >
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> > December 3rd
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > Regarding the anonymous note I received from member
>>of
>> > Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
>>table,
>> > I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't
>> > forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
>> > Only," you won't be anonymous anymore.
>> > In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-no
>>gifts
>> > will be allowed since the union members feel that
>>$10
>> > is too much money.
>> > Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director
>> >
>> >
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> > December 7th
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to
>> > sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
>> > women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
>> > sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
>>with
>> > the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes,
>> > there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's
>> > table.
>> > Happy now?
>> > Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director
>> >
>> >
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> > December 9th
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > People, people-nothing sinister was intended by
>> > wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the
>> > anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there
>> > is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a
>> > red suit."
>> > Patty Lewis, Human Ratraces Director
>> >
>> >
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> > December 10th
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're
>> > going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether
>>
>> > you like it or not, you can just sit at the table
>> > farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it,
>> > and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic
>> > tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings,
>>too.
>> > They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
>> > scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you
>> > all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you
>> > hear me?
>> > The Bitch from Hell
>> >
>> >
>>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>> >
>> >
>> > December 14th
>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>> > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
>>Lewis
>> > a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.
>> > I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
>> > sanitarium.
>> > In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
>>our
>> > Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
>> > 23rd off with full pay.
>> > Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>> >
>>
>>;)