"Outsourcing"
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BASS LINE
INT. JERRY SEINFELD'S APARTMENT
Kramer bolts through the door. Jerry, sitting on his couch, looks back to see Kramer wearing: sandals, parachute pants, a lady's plush jacket (open, no shirt), and a cowboy hat. Looking perplexed, he gets up from the couch...
JERRY: What the...?
KRAMER: What?
JERRY: (laughingly) What are you wearing?
KRAMER: Oh. I need to do laundry. I've been too busy.
JERRY: Doing what?
KRAMER: Things.
JERRY: Well, there's a place down the street that'll do it for you. Just take it there.
KRAMER: Unh uh, too expensive. Anyway, I hear you can outsource your laundry now to, get this... India.
JERRY: India?
KRAMER: Yeah. You ship them your laundry, they send it back. Voila! Clean laundry. All for fifty cents.
JERRY: Fifty cents? For a load of laundry.
KRAMER: No, for a whole month of laundry. You can throw in your laundry too, and we'll split the cost.
JERRY: No way I'm sending my clothes to India. Besides, the shipping is gonna eat you alive.
Newman enters the doorway.
NEWMAN: Helloooooo, Jerry.
JERRY: Hellooooooo, Newman.
NEWMAN: (looking Kramer up and down) Ya ready?
KRAMER: (snaps his fingers) Oh yeah...
Kramer goes to the kitchen and grabs a bottled water from the fridge. Jerry rolls his eyes.
KRAMER: Hey Newman, how much would it cost to send a package to India?
NEWMAN: How big?
KRAMER: (motioning with his hands) About this big.
NEWMAN: How much will it weigh?
KRAMER: About 50 pounds.
NEWMAN: (without a moments hesitation) Six hundred fifty dollars and twenty-seven cents.
Kramer, taken aback, does his taken-aback jerk.
NEWMAN: Of course, that assumes you use the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE. You could always use the INDIAN UNDERGROUND POSTAL SERVICE (he says with disdain in his eye). They'll ship your package by taxi to the West Coast, put it on a boat headed for India, and deliver it from the port to your destination by foot.
KRAMER: How much does that cost?
NEWMAN: Two dollars.
KRAMER: (rubbing hands) Oh yeah. Let's do it.
JERRY: (seeing the flaw) ... and how long will it take to get the laundry back?
NEWMAN: Six months. (Evil laugh)
Kramer, thinks for a second, then looks up at Jerry.
KRAMER: Jerry, can I borrow some clothes?
Jerry, exasperated, throws his arms out and thinks "Why Me?".
BASS LINE