>Subject: Home Remedies
>
>1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
>2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
>4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
>5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
>6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
>7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
>
>And remember these simple rules of life:
>
>1. You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
>2. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
>3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>4. Never pass up an opportunity to go potty.
>5. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
>
>And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

I feel better already! :)