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>I have not been to Japan but I have received some advice from people who have, including a half-Japanese cousin.

Which half is japanese? Top half or lower half. Or the right side? No then it's the left side

I don't want to insult you and I hope you'll take it as a joke.

You see when I read it the first image that came to my mind was this.

Perhaps It's the long day getting to me ;-)