I still do not see my "misguided premises".
"He wanted to have positive information with regard to VFP." but you heard his cry for help.
I am sure he will feel better when he lets .Net into his heart. Praise Gates.

ROFL! How amusing...you've tossed in the common fifty-cent hackneyed phrases (but I'll only give you partial solution points, since you left out the line about drinking the kool-aid)

In the future, I'll arrange for a multimedia laser show to draw your attention to that which isn't obvious...

Thanks for the afternoon chuckle...