What is the correct way to apply a diffgram to an SQL table?

If I use a cursoradapter, create a cursor, apply the diffgram against it, and then do a tablupdate(), it applies the changes, but if the current data on the server doesn't match the before image, the diffgram doesn't get applied to the cursor, and thus tableupdate doesn't do anything.

If I create an xmladapter, load the diffgram, create an appropriate cursoradapter, and then have the xmladapters table.ApplyDiffgram, it applies the changes to the sqlserver table, but it ignores any update conflicts.. that is, if the sql table data no longer matches the before image, it still applies the changes (as it would if we did a tableupdate with Force set to .T.)..
I don't see any way of having it check and not apply the changes if there is an update conflict.

Does anyone know how to do this properly, i.e. in such a way that I can choose whether to force changes over an update conflict or not?

Ilmar