Well done, John! I may have to borrow (steal) some of those and post them in some forums elsewhere. There must be a brokeback forum in TN... They have cowboys there, right? <g>

>You know us guys, we try to fix everything, so here goes:
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>>1. Spitting water out after brushing teeth goes sideways.
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>Turn your head before spitting and it will go in the right direction
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>>2. Having to hold a napkin under my lower lip when drinking out of a glass to keep from drooling on myself.
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>This is a good thing. It makes you look like you have manners.
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>>3. The farting sound my lips can make if food gets on the bad side and I try to suck it back around in my mouth.
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>Some people get paid for this.
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>>4. Water from the shower when hitting my face can easily blow through into my mouth on the affected side.
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>Add a little soap and it's called mouthwash.
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>>5. Just because tears are flowing from my eye, it does not mean I'm crying.
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>Now you are a "kinder and gentler" person. (My wife used to say I was a 90's kind of guy -1890s.)
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>>6. Raising my eyebrow (no choice) and tilting my head just right, makes me look like The Rock.
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>Just sign the autographs and move on.
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>>7. I have to push the toothbrush into my mouth, then get it into position to brush the bad side.
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>You seem to have an oral fixation?
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>>8. Taping an eye shut sounds simple in theory.
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>In theory it is.
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>>9. The ones that can still look you in the eyes during a conversation are you true friends.
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>Who else matters?
>>10. I used to whistle great. Now I just blow spittle out the side of my mouth. Baby's still think that's cool though.
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>And if the babies like you, how can the babes resist?
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>>11. I can do a pretty good Mr. Spock imitation now.
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>
>Once again, some people get paid for that.
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>>12. The "I am not an animal" joke doesn't work in every group of people.
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>Those people don't matter anyway.
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>>13. I now lisp and sound kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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>Is your back broke?<g>
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>>14. If you are mad and swearing, some of the intensity is lost when your "F" sounds like "W" and your "B" sounds like an "F."
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>Just tell people it's your babwa wawa impersonation.
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>>15. You can have something hanging from the nostril on the bad side and not know it until you see a mirror. This also is one that can be used as an indicator of who your real friends are.
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>I'll keep this in mind.
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>>16. Kids are much more accepting than adults.
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>They don't know any better.
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>>17. You will learn to like soup and french fries more than you ever have before. Especially at a restaurant.
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>so what's wrong with soup and french fries for breakfast?
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>>18. Do not intentionally trim your mustache unevenly to try and make it look even. That's a really bad idea.
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>Ah, a trend setter.
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>>19. Take your eyepatch off when parallel parking.
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>Note to self. . .
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>>20. Those sounds that John Merrick made while eating were pretty damn accurate.
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>Helps you lose weight.
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>>21. I am not winking at you.
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>Well, thanks! I am not from brokeback anything either!<g>