Very nice! And a couple rebuttals...

>>1. Spitting water out after brushing teeth goes sideways.
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>You've got the whole sink - why worry?

I know you Brits have that funky metric thing going on, but doesn't sideways still mean the same thing? That better be one helluva big sink!

>>5. Just because tears are flowing from my eye, it does not mean I'm crying.
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>That can be the title of your book when you write about all this and make a million!

I like that. Should it be under Health, Self-help or Horror though?

>>9. The ones that can still look you in the eyes during a conversation are you true friends.
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>I have a friend with a glass eye. I still don't know which one to look into!

Stare directly into the glass one and say something like, "I can see the future..." They like that.

>>11. I can do a pretty good Mr. Spock imitation now.
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>But I bet you can't say his mother's name! :-)

I can barely say "Spock." It sounds more like, "Shbock." Must be his brother...

>>13. I now lisp and sound kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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>An inordinate number of black boxers do too, for some reason. But I wouldn't tell them that to their faces

Ah, good old Mikey. I think I heard he was working at a carwash or something. I still wouldn't tell him.

>>14. If you are mad and swearing, some of the intensity is lost when your "F" sounds like "W" and your "B" sounds like an "F."
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>Must be difficult when you're telling yourself to "buck up"

That's nothing. Go wuck yoursell you wucking fwastard! Now, that one was tough!