What's up, CL? You not at work so early since you got the affliction?

>Very nice! And a couple rebuttals...
>
>>>1. Spitting water out after brushing teeth goes sideways.
>>
>>You've got the whole sink - why worry?
>
>I know you Brits have that funky metric thing going on, but doesn't sideways still mean the same thing? That better be one helluva big sink!

Well I've one of those repro-Edwardian things that you can get your forearms in when you're washing the back of the neck. Get down low enough and you can't miss.

But, to paraphrase "Alien", in the shower no-one can see you stream.

>
>>>5. Just because tears are flowing from my eye, it does not mean I'm crying.
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>>That can be the title of your book when you write about all this and make a million!
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>I like that. Should it be under Health, Self-help or Horror though?

Self-help, I think

>
>>>9. The ones that can still look you in the eyes during a conversation are you true friends.
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>>I have a friend with a glass eye. I still don't know which one to look into!
>
>Stare directly into the glass one and say something like, "I can see the future..." They like that.

I don't know which one IS the damn glass eye, though! :-) (I only met him in the last few months and no-one has actually said it IS glass - it's just that one of them doesn't follow the other - but which one?

>
>>>11. I can do a pretty good Mr. Spock imitation now.
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>>But I bet you can't say his mother's name! :-)
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>I can barely say "Spock." It sounds more like, "Shbock." Must be his brother...

mmmm ... fascinating.
Just in case, FYI, his mother of course was T'pau.

>
>>>13. I now lisp and sound kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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>>An inordinate number of black boxers do too, for some reason. But I wouldn't tell them that to their faces
>
>Ah, good old Mikey. I think I heard he was working at a carwash or something. I still wouldn't tell him.

Biting the wing-mirrors off no doubt.

Well just to mention recent British world-class boxers: Nigel Ben, Chris Ewbank ("I'm not a bockther - I'm a bithnethman"). I hear a few more on "Friday Night Fight Night" or whatever it's called.

>
>>>14. If you are mad and swearing, some of the intensity is lost when your "F" sounds like "W" and your "B" sounds like an "F."
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>>Must be difficult when you're telling yourself to "buck up"
>
>That's nothing. Go wuck yoursell you wucking fwastard! Now, that one was tough!

Try: "I'm not a pheasant plucker - I'm a pheasant plucker's son, and I'm only plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes".

Then drain your keyboard :-)