>>Serious question, bearing in mind that my daughters are approaching college age faster than I can believe. How much do you know, how much do you wonder, and how much do you think everyone is happier that you don't know?
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>If you're asking what I think you're asking, I know what's going on in their lives big picture, I have some idea what their social lives are like, and I don't ask about their private lives.
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>OTOH, I trust that we've raised them to behave responsibly. I know that neither drinks seriously (though Solomon has developed a fondness for port, of all things), neither smokes, and am reasonably certain that neither uses drugs recreationally.
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We're pretty much on the same page. Part of it is respect for kids' individuality once they reach a certain age, part of it is an understanding of my own children that includes knowing there are certain topics that are off limits. I don't think they're hiding things from me (especially not Emily), I just think they're doing that snakeskin-shedding thing we all do when we're that age.

It's funny that this comes up. Tricia called last night to let me know she had confiscated Allie's cell phone, again. The two of them do not get along at all, you should probably understand that as prologue. Tricia said the problem was Allie had called a guy named Nick who lives two blocks away. "I don't trust him at all," she said. I asked how she knew Allie called Nick. She hemmed and hawed and finally said she found out from the called list on Allie's cell phone. (Which I pay for, I mention only in passing). I said, unheatedly, that I thought she was completely out of line. Snooping is not the answer. It just erodes trust, which is the real problem.