>Ok, stop it now, this is getting way too silly.

Not possible.

Steve Martin had a great bit about flatulence early in his career. (Not meaning he had flatulence early in his career, although maybe he did). From memory --

"Mind if I smoke?"

"No, do you mind if I fart?"

I quit for two years. Gained a lot of weight.

Sometimes after sex I still have the urge to light one up.

(end Steve Martin semi-quote)