>>You're right, that sure is a cliche. What I wanted to do was immediately grab the reader's interest in the two main characters without a lot of distractions.
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>I think it's better to start with ...
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Lucinda Hess was dressed in black with a twist, on the day her now late husband Charlie was put in the ground.>
>Although I'm sure you, as a native speaker, can write it better, but the point I'm trying to make is that Lucinda Hess is one of the two main characters, not her now late husband. So, focus on her full name rather than on the full name of her husband.
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>That's all, for now. :)
How do you know that Lucinda is going to be the main character? May be the story is going to go back in time and the late husband is going to be the center of the story?
If it's not broken, fix it until it is.
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