Was driving across the state today, and recollected on the great Tony one-liners....since some of these are rather "adult like", I've tapped the enter key a few dozen times, so you'll have to scroll down to read them. Enjoy....



































































"How many MIGs did you shoot down today?" (Tony, to Junior, Season 2, after seeing Junior wear his nighttime breathing apparatus)

"Uncle Junior's in the muff" (Tony, to Junior, on the golf course, Season 1, after Tony learns that Junior had acquired a "taste" for his lady friend)

"My father had a younger brother who was retarded??? Wow. You know, I remember when I was a kid, hearing my father complain about his feeble-minded brother, but I always thought he was talking about you" (Tony, to Junior, after learning that Tony's father had a mentally-challenged brother)

"There are old men in the can who are better looking than my sister" (Tony, to Richie Aprile, after learning that Richie was involved with Janice)

"Dad, is that a crack whore?" (AJ, to his father, when Tony drove him through the housing project)

"Whoa! You blow your father with that mouth???" (Tony, to one of the girls in the housting project, after the girl starts mouthing off to Tony)

"Mikey, good to see you in men's clothes" (Tony, to Mikey Palmieci)

"We better be careful with this Russian guy. Tony says he's some kind of interior decorator"
"Really? His apartment looked like sh**" (Tony and Christopher, in the famous Pine Barrens episode)

"Hey Mikey, how's the boy?"
"What boy is that, Tony"
"The one you've been sleeping with"
"Very funny. So what's with that nephew of yours? He likes to play with trucks? What is he, retarded or something?"
"Hey, watch what you say. What if Jerry Lewis heard you talk about his kids that way?"
"Ah, no, Tony, that's muscular dystrophy"
"Well, too bad for you there's not a telethon for fu**-face-itis"
(CLASSIC exchange between Mikey Palmieci and Tony, early Season 1)


"What...no fu**ing ziti tonight?" (A.J., after hearing that his grandmother isn't attending his birthday party)

"You look like a calzone with legs" (Tony, to Bobby B., Season 2)

"OK, fine, I'm late. Tomorrow I'll be early. But you'll be stupid forever" (Ralphie to Paulie, Season 3)

"Oh, that's right Janice, I forgot....you don't eat pork....not in that way" (Tony to Janice, at the dinner table, Season 2)


Feel free to post any other classics that I missed.