This was hilarious.

> Day 983 of my captivity.

Got me laughing a lot and it didn't stop until the last line

Thanks a lot for that.


>Got this in an email from my mom:
>
>
>Dog Diary vs Cat Diary
>
>
> DOG DIARY
>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 PM - Ran back and forth in the hall! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 PM - Got to play tug! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
> CAT DIARY
>
> Day 983 of my captivity.
>
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
> fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
> the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
> order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
> dream of escape.
>
> In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
> feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
> clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
> condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
>
> < BLEEP >
>
> They continue to pick me up and handle me, an obvious attempt to
> subvert me.
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
> placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
>
> I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
> confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
> this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
> this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
> snitches.
>
> The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and
> seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
>
> Tonight I will again lay on their heads while they sleep and hope to
> smother them.