>>>>>>>>>>>I do not tend to say "Grow up, get over it" but I do not hesitate to try to point out to the afflicted person that a gestalt shift is necessary in seeing what parts of life are under their control and the once this is appreciated the outlook can indeed be brighter and more importantly the insight can be very empowering.
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>Agree, but it's not simply a matter of saying "hey, you need a Gestallt Shift!" or "hey, you see it wrong". It often takes many steps before this switch - all of a sudden - happens. It's the "ah, now I see!" that the therapist is searching for in the client's way of thinking.
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>Very, very true. However, saying "there, there" and telling the person that the other person is a b*%^*#d for treating them so badly isn't going to help them realise that they may need a gestalt shift.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>It's bedtime for me, but I'll reply to this one. :)
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>So you tell every friend who complains about someone else that he needs a Gestallt Switch?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>You don't tell people they need a change in Gestalt. The trick is to get them to once see it the other way (the essence of a Gestalt shift) or to behave as if they did. Of course it isn't easy, but it is a method that actually works and is oriented toward achieving changes in behavior.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>You can tell I'm not much of a Freudian. I'm pretty convinced that insight without behavior change is just wallowing. But sometimes behavior change can lead to insight.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>When I used to teach the kind of things that required having your head in the game or having your head handed to you, we'd often use the cliche "Feal the fear - and do it anyway." Sometimes being understanding about shortcomings in oneself or others leads to enabling them.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>So you try to convince every friend who complains about someone else that he needs to change?
>>>>>
>>>>>Did I miss something? How did you come to that understanding?
>>>>
>>>>It's called the best defense is a good offense. Deliberate misinterpretation.
>>>
>>>That may well be the case here, but I only did it because you started doing it. :)
>>
>>At what point? Besides, this wasn't even a response to me.
>
>I'm aware it's becoming confusing, but it was your message #1367691 that I refer to. The bold one above.
>
>Essentially I was arguing that it's not easy to 'move' someone to a Gestalt Switch. Then you argued that choosing someone's side isn't going to help him realize that a gestalt shift is required. In my eyes that remark shows that you misinterpreted my position. How could I make you realize that? Explain again? Or ask you whether you tell every friend who complains about someone else that he needs a Gestalt Switch.

Second reply. Ok, I found it. You said:

Some here urge Naomi to blame herself. That's their way of supporting her, but the message is not lowering her stress at all. On the contrary, it is increasing her stress. Instead, they should show empathy and tell her that this twitter is a b#%$^d indeed. Choose her side, show her that she's not the only one who thinks it was unjust.

That's pretty black and white. We should simply take her side and derogate the other person. All I tried to point out is that if the other person is not a b#%$^d indeed, then it's doing everyone a disservice, Naomi included, to behave that way. If I misunderstood what you said in that paragraph, I really don't know how.

And by the way, I never once told her to blame herself. I just told her to get on with her life.