>>>With all due respect, and without rancor, I don't think it's the same thing at all. I have tried willpower. A million times.
>>>
>>>I am not talking about will power. I am talking about making a conscious decision about the kind of life that you want to live. You have the power to make this decision before you get plastered. You know the drill - one day at a time. Well, sometimes it has to be one minute at a time and if you can get through that next minute without going out to buy a bottle, you are in control of where your life is headed.
>>>
>>>I AM NOT GIVING UP. But I know better now than to believe in "just try harder."
>>>
>>>Actually, you can try harder - or at least make better decisions. Whenever you are tempted to buy a bottle and start drinking, go to a meeting instead.
>>
>>I'm trying, Marcia.
>>
>>There is maybe something perverse in me that makes it harder. Sometimes I am upbeat and sometimes my soul is absolutely black. Don't worry, I'm not going to try to off myself again, but contentment eludes me.
>
>How many times have you called a sponsor or gone to a meeting when the desire to drink was overwhelming instead of afterward?

Not often enough.

As my sponsor said, if you don't make the call you don't really want to be sober.

I will be OK, at least for the short term. I am listening to some Lyle Lovett songs online and then going to bed early. Got a plane to catch in the morning.