I am going away again from the UT for another while. There is still something inside me that needs quiet. Don't worry, I have been doing very well. It's been 11 days and I feel good. But I sense a warning sign flashing ahead. Better to lay low. My old ways have not done me much good (ahem) so I am trying something different.
I still feel all jittery. It's only been three weeks since I tried to kill myself, after all. My AA meetings help. A new medication which fights the urges helps. But it's a battle every day. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Today at noon it was a full house, as it tends to be on Fridays. Many of the windbags were there, father please forgive me for saying that, LOL. (It's a fine tightrope between honesty and compassion). I looked around the table, counted 16 noses and at least half as many professors (ahem). As is the mystery of life, the speaker who nailed everyone's attention and reminded us why we are there was one of the irregulars. Sober several years. He lost someone very close to him and had to call the man's mother this morning. He was sad and angry and confused. I believed him when he said he will not take this as an excuse to drink.
So that's where my mind is these days, focusing like a laser on my own addiction. I need a little relief, a little joy. I feel dull so much of the time. When occasionally something makes me want to get up and dance, sober, I take it.
One, two, three, four! --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oTFJhhWW8g
