>>Not sure when the term "hillbilly" started being a staple of you vocabulary but you might like to know that it is the 'N' word used in the context you use it.
>
>And not an N in it.

I'm not sure if you think that is cute or witty or you are just babbling, but it is pretty much an example of the kind of reply that is rapidly causing people whose compassion you seek to write you off as a self-dramatizing train-wreck.

I do know that when I see posts by you going into the late at night and then get an email from you at 5:30 am it is pretty much a sign you aren't sleeping anything approaching normal hours, which is not only a very bad thing for someone battling addiction but also usually indicates waaaay too much caffeine, which at that level can cause squirrelly behavior as well. ( personally no stranger to the excessive use of "stimulants" I can testify that my most embarrassing - and sometimes life-threatening - behavior was often the product of feeling like superman from being jacked up beyond the need for sleep)

Nicholas' post has some very good advise. I don't think you are going to get a lot of takers on the "Send Mike to Rehab" fund-raiser as long as you don't seem willing to take some basic steps like getting a new sponsor and some sleep.

I also find it difficult to believe keeping these kind of hours isn't impacting you employment - either current or potential.

You need :

A sponsor (and I've told you often I see your sobriety being successful when you have the desire to *be* as sponsor - a role in which I think you could excel and from which I think you could benefit)

A qualified doctor to run you through the spectrum of anti-depressants.

A job that makes you remember how good it feels to be successful for the right reasons

Something to occupy your mind besides your own drama

A human reality outside the internet

Some sleep