>>-------------------------
>>Three Little Pigs
>>-------------------------
>>
>>One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
>>Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
>>was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
>>"...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw
>>and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
>>house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
>>that man said?"
>>
>>One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said..
>>'Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!'"
>>
>>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>An (abbreviated) version of that one:
>
>Two race horses having a quiet drink in the pub.
> One says "You know, a funny thing happened to me in the 3:30 at New Market. I was lying fourth when I felt this sharp stab in my b*m, leapt forward and, before I knew it, I'd come second"
>Second one says "Blimey, that''s really odd. I've never won a race in my life but in the 2:30 at Chepstow last week I was three fences from home, lying last, and I got the same stabbing sensation in by butt. Leapt forwards and actually won!"
>
>At this point a greyhound at the next table intervened "Excuse me gents but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I was at Walthamstow last night in the 8:30 and...."
>
>"F**k me" said the first horse, "A talking greyhound"

You dirty old man ;-)

John Fowles had a great passage along the same lines. It was about a stablehand who was hopelessly in love with the rich girl whose horse he took care of. She didn't seem to know he was alive. He asked for advice from an older guy. "Paint her horse orange," the older guy said. "Then you'll have her attention." The next morning she came out and said "Someone's painted my horse orange.". "Yeah, me, " he says. "Wanna f***?"