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My New Diet
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Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog.
I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had - an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it
works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and
I was going to try it again. (I have to mention
here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a
car hit me.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.