Round 2:

---
An SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'
---
Q: How do you know if a programmer is an extrovert?
A: He looks at your shoes when he's talking to you.
---
Q. How do you know if a programmer is naive?

"So where's the spec for this project?"
"How long is the testing phase?"
"Who writes the documentation?"
---
I wish end-user was a command!
---
There are two types of people, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
---
I made an NTP joke once, the timing was perfect.
---
Recently I tried making my code simpler by cutting down on the number of boolean literals I used. Turns out it was a false economy.
---
Q. Who is General Fault and why is he on my hard drive?
A. He's looking for Colonel Panic.
---
There are only two really difficult things in programming:

- Naming
- Cache invalidation
- Off-by-one errors
---
*everything is working fine*
Mgr: "Everything is working fine. What do we even pay you for?"

*something breaks*
Mgr: "Everything is broken. What do we even pay you for?"
---
Yip yip yip yip yip.
*BANG*
NO TERRIER
---
The day [your least favourite company] makes something that doesn't suck, is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
---
He's making a database
He's sorting it twice
SELECT * FROM KIDS WHERE BEHAVIOR="NICE"
SQL Clause is coming to town
---
A woman asked her programmer husband to run to the store for her.

"Run to the store and get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The husband comes back with 12 gallons of milk. "They had eggs."
---
A woman had a husband who was a programmer. As the programmer was about to leave for work the woman tells him, "While you are out, buy a loaf of bread."

She never saw him again.
---