Forwarded from a Cuban friend of mine living in Miami for the last 35 years (my home of four years):

WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF MIAMI !

In order to make your visit here more enjoyable. please take a few moments to
familiarize yourself with the following facts about our facility and
community.

1. If your drugs, weapons, and/or explosive devices do not fit in the
overhead compartment, you may retrieve them at the Baggage Claim located on
the lower level. Our security personnel will be happy to assist you.

2. Please do not eat bananas during your stay here in Miami. As the
universally recognized symbol of our republic, they are now protected by law.

3. While in Miami we encourage you to mingle with our local citizens. Please
feel free to express your opinions. However, if we disagree with your
opinions, we reserve the right to block the entrance to the Airport, causing
possible delays in your departure.

4. Should you come into contact with our Mayor, Crazy-Joe Carollo, please
dial 911 immediately. Do not attempt to subdue him on your own.

5. While in Miami be sure to register to vote in our local elections. We will
provide you with your very own residential address somewhere within the city
limits. Why not register your deceased relatives as well, so they can enjoy
the same voting privileges as our own dearly departed.

6. Many of our former civic leaders are available to sign autographed photos
with you. These include various City and County Commissioners, as well as
City Managers. Please call the Miami-Dade County Jail for visiting hours.

7. If asked what you think of Janet Reno, just say "Janet ... who ?", and
continue walking with a blank expression on your face.

8. Should you encounter any serious problems during your Miami visit, please
contact the American Interest Section, located just about anywhere south of
Kendall Drive.

Thank you for choosing Miami as your vacation destination. We hope you have a
pleasant experience, and a safe return to the United States.