>>>Subject: Puns for Top Thinkers Only
>>>
>>>1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
>>>stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
>>>carrion allowed per passenger."
>
> I checked two words (marked bold) (I didn't know them) in the dictionary, but I didn't get this joke. It should be homonim (?) of some other word, but I don't know, which one.
It's a play on "carry-on" luggage.
>
>>>
>>>2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low
>>>earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
>
>Checked this one, but it didin't become clear either.
This is a play on "the shot heard 'round the world". Here, it's a herd (of cows) shot 'round the world.
>
>>>
>>>3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
>>>became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>>>never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>>>lesser of two weevils.
>
>boll - didn't find in the dictionary
>weevil - didn't find
>
A boll weevil is a type of bug that infests cotton plants. A play on "the lesser of two evils".
>
>>>
>>>4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
>>>in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak
>>>and heat it, too.
>
> Know all words, but the sense alludes me.
It's a play on "you can't have your cake and eat it, too".
>
>>>5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
>>>to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
> Don't get it.
"paw" is a play on "pa", which is a slang term for father. Some old western movies had people looking for the person that shot their Pa.
>
>>>
>>>6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
>>>canal?
>>>He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
> ?? Have an idea (medication - meditation, but not sure)
Combine transcend and dental into transcendental, and switch medication to meditation like you thought.
>
>>>
>>>7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
>>>in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
>>>an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
>>>"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
>>>
>>>"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
>>>foyer."
>>>
> Didn't get.
There's a Christmas song with the line "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire".
>
>>>8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
>>>to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
>>>Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>>>himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
>>>husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband
>>>responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
>
> ??
"If you've seen one, you've seen them all"
>
>>>
>>>9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
>>>a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
>>>from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
>>>was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
>>>He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
>>>rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
>>>in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
>>>their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
>>>Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can
>>>prevent florist friars.
>>>
> ?? Hugh - hug, but still is not clear
Ever heard of Smokey the Bear? He's a character used to help educate people against forest fires. His line is "You, and only you, can prevent forest fires".
>
>>>10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends,
>>>in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>>>Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>
>No pun in ten did.
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