Nadya;

If you lived in Berkeley, California, what you have presented below would only be the beginning! :)

Tom



>Hi,
>
>I've received this from my colleague and found it funny.
>==============================================================
>
>>> > December 1st
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> >
>>> > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
>>> > Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's
>>> > Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked
>>>eggnog
>>> > and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel
>>>
>>> > free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our
>>> > CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the
>>> > Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees
>>>can
>>> > be done at that time; however, no gift should be
>>>over
>>> > $10.
>>> > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>>> > Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>> >
>>> >
>>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> > December 2nd
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
>>> > our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is
>>>an
>>> > important holiday that often coincides with
>>>Christmas
>>> > (though unfortunately not this year). However, from
>>> > now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
>>>same
>>> > policy applies to employees who are celebrating
>>> > Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas
>>>tree
>>> > and no Christmas carols sung.
>>> > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>>> > Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>>> >
>>> >
>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > December 3rd
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > Regarding the anonymous note I received from member
>>>of
>>> > Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
>>>table,
>>> > I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't
>>> > forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
>>> > Only," you won't be anonymous anymore.
>>> > In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-no
>>>gifts
>>> > will be allowed since the union members feel that
>>>$10
>>> > is too much money.
>>> > Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director
>>> >
>>> >
>>>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > December 7th
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to
>>> > sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
>>> > women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to
>>> > sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
>>>with
>>> > the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes,
>>> > there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's
>>> > table.
>>> > Happy now?
>>> > Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director
>>> >
>>> >
>>>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > December 9th
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > People, people-nothing sinister was intended by
>>> > wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the
>>> > anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there
>>> > is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a
>>> > red suit."
>>> > Patty Lewis, Human Ratraces Director
>>> >
>>> >
>>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > December 10th
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're
>>> > going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether
>>>
>>> > you like it or not, you can just sit at the table
>>> > farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it,
>>> > and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic
>>> > tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings,
>>>too.
>>> > They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
>>> > scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you
>>> > all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you
>>> > hear me?
>>> > The Bitch from Hell
>>> >
>>> >
>>>-------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > December 14th
>>> > TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
>>>Lewis
>>> > a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.
>>> > I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
>>> > sanitarium.
>>> > In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
>>>our
>>> > Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
>>> > 23rd off with full pay.
>>> > Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>>> >
>>>
>>>;)