THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
"See if they can do it again."

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me:
"Ask them how they did it, and
see if they can do it again."

(similarly)

Tell them it's a feature,
say it's not supported
change the documentation
blame it on the hardware
find a way around it
say they need an upgrade
reinstall the software
ask for a dump!
run with the debugger
try to reproduce it
ask them how they did it, and
see if they can do it again.

A (SYSTEM SUPPORT)
CHRISTMAS POEM

Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house
not a program was working, not even a browse.

The programmers were wrung out, too mindless to care,
knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter!
And what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a super programmer, oblivious to fear.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
'On update! On add! On inquiry! On delete!
On batch jobs! On closing! On functions complete!'

His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean
from weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
turning specs into code, then turned with a jerk,
and laying his finger on the 'ENTER' key,
the system came up and worked perfectly!

The updates updated, the deletes they deleted,
the inquiries inquired, and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, and tested each bell
with nary an abend, and all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded.
The client's last changes were even included!!
And the client exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
'It's just what I asked for, but it's not what I want!'