Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing
to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Patrick," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Patrick, after a moment's calculation, "there is
meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the
entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you Patrick, that I have one million
men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Patrick. "I'll have to ring ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Patrick called again. "Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry
equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Patrick?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm
tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1.5 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Patrick. "I'll have to get back to ya."

Sure enough, Patrick rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four lads from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as
well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Patrick, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter
planes.

My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to
TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Patrick, "I'll have to ring ya
back."

Sure enough, Patrick called again the next day. "Top o' the
mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to
call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well," said Patrick, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch o'
pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million
prisoners."