I really do have to hand it to you. I have to admit I'm a liberal, but I did laugh. It's funny and creative. It may just be the finest troll in the history of the net. ;)

>Conservatives vs Liberals History
>
> *For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed
> version.
>
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
> and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
>
> The two most important events in all of history were:
> 1. The invention of beer and Scotch, and
> 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
> beer and Scotch
>
> These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
> 1. Liberals
> 2. Conservatives
>
> Once beer and Scotch were discovered, it required grain and that was the
> beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
> invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for
> them to be invented, they just stayed close to the breweries. That's how
> villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at
> night while they were drinking beer and Scotch. This was the beginning
> of what is known as the Conservative movement.
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing
> the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal movement.
>
> Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
> known as girlie-men.
>
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
> democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat, beer and Scotch that
> conservatives provided without having to work themselves.
>
> Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
> the jackass.
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added) and blended Scotch
> (conservatives like single malt), but most prefer white wine or imported
> bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi,
> tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. ** *
>
> *
> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
> injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer and single malt. They eat red meat and
> still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
> police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally
> anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
> other conservatives who want to work for a living and to pay the taxes
> to support the Liberals who do not work.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
> to get more for nothing. Most remained in the Northeast or hid in
> California .
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history....... *
>
>
>
> *It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
> respond to the above before forwarding it.
>
> A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
> truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
> true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.. *